Thoughts May 20th 2015

My thoughts are sometimes jumbled. Are yours too? Do you have those days where your thoughts are spinning?  No real firm mental picture that you can hold on to?
This weird state of mind where you feel floaty, mentally disoriented  and confused.. Maybe you don't, I envy you. Today's world with it's instant this and instant that, 24 hour news, 30 minute sitcoms, 15 minutes attention spans, and 15 second Instagram vids, it can become overwhelming and confusing. Images and colors everywhere. 
Attention... look at me... look at me. 

On the internet, on the highways, in the stores, a bombardment of visual and auditory stimulation. A never ending conveyor belt of happiness and imagery.
The internet, an artist's dream and nightmare at the same time. I'm sure for art buyers, it's no different. What is real? What is fake?  We used to make eye contact with people, now it's emoticons and it is the last three letters that worry me.

I am a high energy, happy person 99% of the time. I love to laugh, talk (too much sometimes), and generally do something. I'm a doer and I love to interact with people..
I love technology and modernity, but I do find myself lost and drained at times, with all of it.

Am I doing the right thing, should I be doing something else? Oh I don't mean as far as painting is concerned. I love to paint, will keep doing that for sure. No, I mean all that other stuff an artist has to do, if he or she makes a living from art.
There are days where I say: "When will I get to paint? I have withdrawal, please can I just go into my studio and create!!!
I used to paint every day and now other things are taking over. I don't want to promote, post pictures, take photos, process them for the internet, and all that jazz. I just want to paint. 

But then there are the bills to be paid, I log in to my bank account and see the meager surplus dollars, from last year float away each months.
Being a self supporting artist, is a bit like being a farmer, you get those spells where it just won't rain, you get worried. Then you have a month of good rain, maybe just in time before your crop fails, and you stand in the middle of it and let the rain run down your face, happy!

A new or longtime admirer and art collector who loves my work and buys one and another and another, there is nothing more reassuring, as seeing an email that something has sold. It FEELS SO GOOD for so many reasons. I LOVE those individuals. When they email me their thoughts on why they love my work and why they buy it and even email me pictures, that's when I am reminded why I keep going through the emotional turmoil, of being a self supporting artist. I sometimes think they don't really know how much their support means to me and how much it keeps me alive. That's what I have to remember, the collectors, the fans, the admirers those that buy my art. Things will pick up again.  

So  I am sitting at my computers and promote and Instagram and Facebook, Pinterest and Wanelo,  and wear a cushion on my wrist to ease the carpal tunnel pain. 
I dream of a simpler life, see myself sitting in the fields of Provence, a slight breeze is moving through the air, I squint my eyes against the early morning sun, catch trees and flowers dancing in the breeze and I squeeze out some yellow, magenta and sap green and white and begin to paint all day. It's movie stuff.

Real life isn't like that.  It is what it is is.